I found myself in a quiet dark hospital room, whispering the words I have said a hundred times before.
But, this time it wasn't a desperate plea. It was simply a question. A conversation.
As I held my baby in my arms, missing my family, wishing more than anything to just be home with them, the word slipped out, "God, why don't you just take this from her?"
In my finite mind it seems so simple.
"God, it would take nothing from you, a point of your finger, a simple word from your mouth, and we could be done with this. This hurt. This suffering. This struggle. This inconvenience..."
Maybe you can relate?!?
Perhaps you have felt the heart ache of watching someone you love suffer,
Maybe you yourself have felt the pain that failing health can bring,
Or the brokenness of a relationship,
Or the inconvenience of a difficult situation?
Maybe you too have found yourself questioning the God of the universe.
And waiting to hear a clear answer that hasn't yet come.
In those moments that which is TRUE must outweigh that which FEELS true.
We must choose to trust a God we do not fully understand; believe in a God who does not bend to our human will.
And, though we question, at the end of the day we simply say, "Still you are God."
Still YOU ARE GOD.
"How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes or I will sleep in death.... But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:1-3 &5-6
Check out more on my journey of parenting a medically fragile child.
Have you ever struggled with understanding God? Trusting Him when you don't understand? What helped you make it through?
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