I stood staring at the multiple levels of shelves, completely overwhelmed.
I had already been up and down each aisle several times.
I would pick something up and then put it back down.
I would place something in my cart and then take it back out and place it on the shelf just as I had found it before.
I laughed out loud— only to keep from crying.
This was not a life altering decisions.
I was simply shopping for plants to place in my newly landscaped yard—flowers, or shrubs, or trees.
I had put this task off for years, and as I took inventory of my life I realized it was time to take action. But now I remember why I had not.
I am someone who tends to be terrible at making decisions and prone to please people. The two combined seemed to be the perfect storm-- hindering my progress and pulling me back into the state of numbing overwhelm.
“Maybe I should call my mom,” I thought.
She has been landscaping for years. She has been planting flowers all her life. She would know what to do.
“Maybe I should wait until my aunt can come pick things out for me,” it crossed my mind.
She is a true green thumb.
“What would my grandma think about these choices?”
“What will my husband think? Will he like my shrubbery selections?”
The thoughts continued to course through my tired mom brain.
Will I look stupid for picking the wrong thing?
Will it be obvious that I have no idea what I’m doing?
I want to take charge of this situation, but maybe I’m not capable…
And this—THIS-- is what brought me to the place of laughter and tears.
Because I am a grown up, ya’ll.
I am a 30 year old woman standing in the lawn and garden section feeling incapable of making a single choice without the approval of 5 different people.
I have been running a home for over 10 years.
I have been responsible for the lives of little human people for nearly 9.
I have worked jobs and been an excellent employee.
I have taken courses and finished at the top of the honor roll.
I budget, and meal plan, and carpool, and run the schedule of an entire family unit.
Still I stand here doubting myself about which flowers to put in the ground in front of my home—because of what someone else might say or think.
As I laughed I told myself this—
“Sarah—you are an adult. You are a grown woman. You don’t need to call your mom, or your aunt.. your grandma or your husband.”
Sarah—you can do this. Choose what you like and don’t worry about anything else.”
Sarah—release what the world thinks. You are capable of making good choices.”
There in the checkout line, as one last time I contemplated putting everything back, packing up my two girls, and going home empty handed—I gave myself the pep talk that I had been needing.
Not just about shrubs—but about life.
And maybe it’s a pep talk you need today too?
So, here you go:
YOU are capable.
You ARE a grown woman who needs the approval of no one.
YOU are smart enough to face whatever choice is set before you today.
You were created perfectly able to complete the task in front of you.
You need NOT worry what man says about you.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
Live for Jesus... and leave the rest behind, friend.
Do you enjoy what you read here? If so, join our email list to hear from Sarah weekly and keep up on all the new stories.
Don't forget to stop by the Gracefilled Growth shop and grab some inspiring gear!