Maybe God isn’t good.
Maybe He doesn’t really love me.
He must not see me here. He must not care about my heartache and anguish and struggle.
God couldn’t possibly love my child as much as I do— because if He did He would take this from her.
.
I recently sat in the therapist chair as she explained to me that most often it’s not the trauma itself that takes us spiraling down— instead it’s the lies that become embedded as a result of that trauma.
I shook my head in agreement — knowing that said lies had been scrolling through my head for quite some time now.
Lies that Satan whispers to try to trap me in the darkness.
Lies that my humanity reason with to try to make sense of my circumstance.
Lies that society shouts as the hard stuff mingles with everyday life.
And sometimes I push them aside.
Sometimes I rebuke them with truth.
But sometimes— sometimes I sit with them for a while— giving them opportunity to take root in the cracks of my heart, now broken.
.
The truth?
The truth is God IS good.
The truth is His love for me is the most REAL love I have experienced.
The truth— does He see me? To the very depth of my soul— yes even the places where I let my questions and doubts swirl about unbridled by truth. And it doesn’t change the way He feels about me one bit.
The truth?
He loves my child greater than I can comprehend— which is huge— considering the depth of my affection for her. He loved her so big that He gave His life for her healing and wholeness and the saving of her soul.
.
When the lies begin to swirl and the doubt takes root, make a choice to tell yourself the truth.
To sing it loud.
To Proclaim it boldly— yes, even when—- perhaps especially when you aren’t feeling sure.
To whisper it in the ear of the enemy when the lies are holding you down in the darkness— and all you can muster is a soft murmur.
But don’t stop— Don’t stop clinging to truth with everything you have because otherwise, the lies will send you spiraling down— but the truth? The truth sets you free.