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How to Flourish Amidst Mourning the Life You Wanted

Updated: Jan 8, 2019

How to flourish while Mourning the Life you wanted. Special Needs parenting. Grief.  How to truly live life amidst the hard stuff.

"This is just our life now", the words slipped from my mouth easily.

Likely because this wasn't the first time I had said them, in fact it wasn't even the first time I had said them today.

I had found myself saying them often, "I know it stinks, but this is just our life now."

Though,there was something different about it this time. This time the weight of the words slowly sifted into the crevasses on my soul, leaving me aching from the inside out.

Special Needs Parenting. Unexpected Life. Parenting a Medically fragile child. Mourning the life I wanted. Grief.

This is just our life now, I had said...

When pool time was cut short because it was a struggling day...

When plans were cancelled because a hospital stay occurred instead...

When attending that outdoor event seemed impossible with a heat sensitive child....

When traveling more than mere minutes from the hospital became scary....

When we had to miss out on something we would otherwise do.....

And, it WAS. It WAS just this new reality of what our life would be. A life with a medically fragile child.

But this time, as the words settled upon my heart I found myself grieving once more. Both grieving and at peace if that's even possible.

How does one find peace in a life they hadn't planned for? In this new normal that still feels nothing like normal at all.

I'm not sure that the grief ever ends. Truly I find that it strikes me at the most random moments. You know?

BUT, what I am certain of, is that I have a say in this new reality. I cannot change it. BUT, I can change the way I see it. I can change my attitude. I can change my hearts perspective, with God's help of course.

My choice must be to take a crappy situation and just make the most of it. Because, what really is my other choice? To drowned in the midst of it, dismissing any goodness or joy along the way? That sounds like no life at all.

SO today, I make a choice. One that I think I must make a million times over in this lifetime. One that will

How to thrive. Unexpected life. Special Needs Parenting. Grief. Mourning the life you wanted.

not always come easily. One that I must choose moment by moment.

A choice to flourish here.

A choice to forget about what should have been and make the most of what IS-the life right in front of me.

Because there is something true about these words I keep saying- THIS is our life. Right now. THIS is the life we have.

Not that we should be ashamed of our mourning or longing for normalcy, BUT that here we invite God to meet us amidst our mourning. We invite peace to rest within our restless hearts. We invite contentment, and hope, and joy to overshadow the days of sorrow.

Like me, perhaps you need to make a choice today? A choice to invite the Lord to meet you in the midst of whatever this life has thrown your way. Please do!

Let's walk this journey together. Because THIS, today, this is your life!

Psalm 30:11 "You have turned my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness."

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I find the mourning comes in waves, between blood draws and appointments. Sometimes the anticipatory grief is overwhelming, and sometimes the good days blur all that away. It’s not just the shame of that grief; does this mean I’m not strong? Is it selfish of me to hurt this bad when we will have some very good years together?- but the weight of knowing that one day this grief will change. Change from mourning the things he cannot do or have because of his condition, to the things he will not have because he is not here. My son is a light, literally radiates happiness. Those hard seasons are illuminated by the joy he brings so naturally to our lives.…


Jul 29, 2018

Beautifully written Sarah. Thank you for sharing. This summer has been a hard one as my family mourns a death, a cancer diagnosis, a divorce, and several friends moving away. This post was the encouragement I needed. You're so right, mourning is a normal emotion! It took me a long time to get over the embarrassment of my sensitive soul and accept that God made me this way and even uses it for His glory! He really is the God who meets us in the mourning & the new normal, gives us the gift of His word, and fills us with peace that passes understanding!!


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