Updated: Jan 8, 2019
"This is just our life now", the words slipped from my mouth easily.
Likely because this wasn't the first time I had said them, in fact it wasn't even the first time I had said them today.
I had found myself saying them often, "I know it stinks, but this is just our life now."
Though,there was something different about it this time. This time the weight of the words slowly sifted into the crevasses on my soul, leaving me aching from the inside out.
This is just our life now, I had said...
When pool time was cut short because it was a struggling day...
When plans were cancelled because a hospital stay occurred instead...
When attending that outdoor event seemed impossible with a heat sensitive child....
When traveling more than mere minutes from the hospital became scary....
When we had to miss out on something we would otherwise do.....
And, it WAS. It WAS just this new reality of what our life would be. A life with a medically fragile child.
But this time, as the words settled upon my heart I found myself grieving once more. Both grieving and at peace if that's even possible.
How does one find peace in a life they hadn't planned for? In this new normal that still feels nothing like normal at all.
I'm not sure that the grief ever ends. Truly I find that it strikes me at the most random moments. You know?
BUT, what I am certain of, is that I have a say in this new reality. I cannot change it. BUT, I can change the way I see it. I can change my attitude. I can change my hearts perspective, with God's help of course.
My choice must be to take a crappy situation and just make the most of it. Because, what really is my other choice? To drowned in the midst of it, dismissing any goodness or joy along the way? That sounds like no life at all.
SO today, I make a choice. One that I think I must make a million times over in this lifetime. One that will
not always come easily. One that I must choose moment by moment.
A choice to flourish here.
A choice to forget about what should have been and make the most of what IS-the life right in front of me.
Because there is something true about these words I keep saying- THIS is our life. Right now. THIS is the life we have.
Not that we should be ashamed of our mourning or longing for normalcy, BUT that here we invite God to meet us amidst our mourning. We invite peace to rest within our restless hearts. We invite contentment, and hope, and joy to overshadow the days of sorrow.
Like me, perhaps you need to make a choice today? A choice to invite the Lord to meet you in the midst of whatever this life has thrown your way. Please do!
Let's walk this journey together. Because THIS, today, this is your life!
Psalm 30:11 "You have turned my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness."
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