Updated: Feb 25, 2019
Lately, more than ever, I have felt like there’s not enough of me.
As a mom, I have felt like on some level I am failing.
Because my little one is having seizures, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them.
And, amidst the specialist appointments, and ambulance rides, and normal day to day responsibilities, it has felt heavy. This burden of motherhood has felt like a larger burden than I am accustomed to carrying.
And then, I realize that along the ride, my other kids have had to take a back seat.
And I feel guilty.
I feel guilty that those regular daily pre-school lessons have suddenly stopped.
I feel guilty because I spend more time holding that baby and less time snuggling with my big babies.
And then, if I do the opposite, I feel guilty that the baby has not been held more.
I feel guilty because my lap is not big enough for all of them. And my energy level does not always allow me to run and play like I have in the past. And, there have been no planned activities or extra outings.
And, I am tired, but when I finally dose off for a nap, I feel guilty, because what if that little one has a seizure while I sleep.
I feel guilty because my 3 year old has eaten nothing today besides the chips he sneakily grabs from the cabinet while I’m nursing the baby, or changing a diaper.
And, I think How am I supposed to do this?
How am I supposed to meet the needs of 3 little people at one time?
I take a moment for myself to breathe, and then I feel guilty all over again, because moms are not supposed to get moments to themselves to breathe, are they?
Even as I write these words, the guilt overwhelms me.
I can never be enough for them.
But, that’s it. Isn’t it?
I can NEVER be enough for them.
I can NEVER fix all of their problems, no matter how badly I want to.
I can NEVER love them enough to fulfill all the love that they need.
Because I’m just me. I’m a flawed, messed up person, who happens to be blessed with the task of mothering these babies.
So, today I stop trying to be enough.
Maybe it’s OK for them to see that I’m not. For them to know that I am going to let them down.
Because my hope is, that in my failure, I point them to the one who will never fail them.
That in my insufficiency, I point them to the one who is sufficient, un-waivering, ENOUGH.
May they see my weakness, and in that, seek His strength.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Do you enjoy what you see here? Join our email list to receive inspirational, faith filled posts directly in your inbox.
Don't forget to check out the gracefilled growth shop before you leave!
And join our community over on facebook! We'd love to get to know you better!