Updated: Feb 4, 2019
It’s a nice thought. And one that’s been required of me many times. Surrender of self is actually one of the greatest examples Christ gave for us as believers.
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24
I can surrender my time, my stuff, my money, even my marriage…. BUT surrendering my child?! Especially when I’ve helplessly watched that child fight for their life…. That’s a hard one.
I find God asking me over and over again, Do you trust me?
And I sheepishly respond, “sure, God.”
I mean I trust you with my finances.
I trust you with my home.
I trust you with my career.
I trust you with my relationships.
But, what about with her?
Her? My baby? The one I fight endlessly to protect? The one I hold close each night? The one who fights hard battles and endures such painful things?
…………And that’s often the place where I recognize that I am not living my life fully surrendered.
Surrender, true surrender, is the greatest act of trust. It’s obediently choosing to let go of one’s own will for the greater will of someone else. But, in the moment you don’t always feel sure that the other will is truly greater. I mean, I don’t anyways.
When it feels like God has let you down before, it’s hard to surrender.
When it feels like maybe God has forgotten about her before, it’s difficult to surrender.
When it appears as though God has not done all He could to protect my child before, it’s excruciating to surrender.
But, this is the place where my feelings and truth must collide.
My feelings which say, BUT no one could possibly love her like I love her- and He responds, I love her more.
My feelings which say, BUT no one could possibly protect her like I protect her- and He responds I already am.
My feelings which say, BUT what about that time I almost lost her- and He responds I was there.
My feelings which say, BUT God, it kinda seems like you let me down before- and He says I NEVER do.
My fickle heart struggles to release what I truly can’t hold onto anyways. Want to add a caption to this image? Click the Settings icon.
Surrender is simply admitting what I already know- I am not in control here, and then choosing to trust the one who actually is.
So, though it’s hard, I am left with no other wise choice.
Today, I will.
Tomorrow, God may have to talk me through it again, reminding me of His goodness- the truth of His ways. But moment by moment, I will trust the One who created my precious child, believing that His plan is better than my own. Yes, even when my humanity cannot quite grasp it.
Do you struggle with surrendering your child(ren) to God? If so, focus on WHO He is, remind yourself of His great LOVE. And make a choice to surrender moment by moment of this day.
“Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after
Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it” Matthew 16:24-25
"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11
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